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He ate soggy
bread. He drank curdled milk. He slept on a rain-soaked mattress, and wore
clothes found in the streets. He couldn’t remember the last time he had bathed,
and his hair got so knotted he had to cut it off to keep it from being too much
of a hassle. He had no family, no friends; he was always alone. And he was
happy.
Businessmen would pass by his little alley day in
and day out, talking on cell phones and rushing about as if they might die were
they to slow down for just a moment. They hurried across the street as though
chased by something hungry, pushed forward by their own hunger for money, for
success, or for the chance to get home and finally, finally be able to
rest.
Women scurried by, heading to the next shop so they
could spend their next dollar on their next expensive dress that they wouldn’t
even wear the next week. They carried their little dogs in their little purses
because celebrities spoke into their little minds, saying little things about
how big they would be if only they were just like them. They wore their
expensive clothes that their parents had bought them, never having to work a
day in their lives; just imagine what life would be like for them if they never
got married, or wound up only able to find someone of middle or lower class…
Oh, the devastation!
Cars zipped by, going to and fro in the hustle and
bustle of every day life, every so often running into one another and making
for an interesting scene. Traffic would sometimes crawl to a creep, while at
other times would be going so fast the vehicles were mere blurs. Save for in
the midst of night, the streets were never quiet, were never peaceful, and were
never safe. Pedestrians should fear for their lives, but they walk across the
street without use of a signal and with such smugness that you almost hope they
will be hit.
There just seems to be so much frantic motion in the
city, with few people (if any, to be honest) that ever take the time to look up
and notice that cloud that is shaped a lot like a bunny rabbit. Seldom do they
notice that bird that sits on the sign, singing a beautiful song to The Creator
(save that it’s interrupting their not-so-important phone call). People don’t
even pay attention to the unique architecture of the building they’re walking
past, or the fact that the moon happens to be out in the middle of the day,
making for an interesting picture against the mostly-blue sky. And no one ever
notices just how many different shades of green there are on that tree planted
in that small little strip of grass in front of that building.
Yeah, he’s uncomfortable, and no, he doesn’t have
much. But what he does have is what everyone else is lacking; an appreciation
for what we get for free. So yeah, he’s happy, and he wouldn’t trade what he
has for the world… because that is precisely what he already has. | | |
| I have been the ground for far too many people And now I just want a little reassurance Perhaps some sort of compensation Maybe the opportunity to finally be the sky I have placed my hands upon various little seeds That you would have me use to turn the world a brighter green Darling, you don't understand what it is you ask of me Today is just not a good day to dive into the sea All the clouds, all the trees, and all the little things That you would use to symbolize what we might one day be It will not suffice to realize the reality of our dream Today is just not a good day to dive into the sea I've noticed that there is an obvious lack of flowers No vibrant colors or sweet smells to lift the world Naught remains worthy of even the poorest poem Still we let slip all ambition to the quiet ocean floor Even just one bug is all that it would take To ruin for you your perfect day So now that you know all that is at stake Darling take my hand and we'll quietly run away We must be the seeds We must be the green We must be the leaves We must believe | | |
|
That's right, I've given in to the dark side. I am now one
of the flock, giving in to that stupid "need" that everyone seems to be
obsessed with. Yes, that's right, I got a cell phone. I gave in and got a cell
phone. Now, it was practically free, so it's not too big a deal, but still…
On a side note…
Forgive the lack of updates; I do not find my life
interesting enough to post blogs about very often. If you disagree, well then,
I'm sorry… you're just going to have to learn to live with it.
| | |
| My cousin Jose is learning to read, spell, and write. He gets really
excited when he spells new stuff, and hangs papers on the fridge. He's
proceeding at an amazing pace, and so everyone thought he was smart...
until last night, when he made an amazing confession.
He tried
to write "I LIKE PIZZA," but he messed up. The "A" was visible, but
blurred and didn't really seem like it was there. The "Z"s were sloppy
and backwards, so the paper he hung on the fridge read as follows:
"I LIKE PISS" | | |
| I am in an interesting state, one that will not cease. It's been a
couple of weeks now. I just feel... down. Kind of depressed. No desire
to do... anything. Anti-social. I'm not suicidal or anything, I just
have no desire to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone (for the most
part). Yeah, I want to do the whole U-Turn leader thing, and am looking
forward to being a cabin leader at the high school winter camp, but
other than that, I want to do nothing. There are few people I want to
even be around, really.
Now I'll admit, part of it's
lonelieness, but I don't think that's the whole thing. And it has
nothing to do with Valentines Day... Like I said, it's been a couple of
weeks since this started.
But it's not just that
I feel lonely. I honestly cannot describe it, and any time I try to do
so, it feels inadequate. This is the same feeling I've had before, when
I was jonesing to go on a nice, long road trip. I got over it then
(sans a road trip), but still didn't understand it any better.
It doesn't help that I can't really open up to people... Yeah, sure, I
can type stuff out, but there's something rather impersonal about the
internet that makes it easier for me to do so. Sure, some people may
read this that I otherwise would never say anything to, but somehow the
fact that it's the internet makes it not matter.
To those who
want me to open up to them, I'm sorry that I don't... you should know
my past history with friends (Shane, Erik, etc.), and that has built
some major walls around my heart.
I've been itching to write something for the last couple of days, so maybe this will help... *shrugs*
I think I just need to go to the beach. The thing is, I can only think
of one or two people I really would want to go with (again, no offense
to the rest of my friends), but it won't work out right now.
That could be part of the problem, too... my lack of good friends. I
have a lot of friends, but only a few I am REALLY close with, and only
one or two who have been able to side-step those walls I have around my
heart and get me to naturally open up. But alas, those aren't around.
Sure, there are those of you (and others) who have broken into and
partially through some of the walls, but it still takes effort to open
up....
Hmm... Thanks for reading this and enduring my
emo-musing. I could probably write for hours about the same thing, over
and over, but I think I'm going to cut it off. I just need to go
somewhere and think (were it only the beach...). Thanks for listening.
I love you all. | | |
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